It’s the memories, not the money, that count
By Maralene Strom, Columnist
Wednesday, June 13, 2007 10:06 AM CDT
As Father’s Day approaches, I recall my father and the legacy left to my siblings and me. I couple those memories with the legacy my late husband passed to our children when they were just seven and nine years old. Both were men of faith, values and commitment to their families.
I recently read “The Measure of a Man: Spiritual Autobiography” by Oscar winner, Sidney Poitier. He describes his childhood growing up on a “tiny spit of land called Cat Island” in the Bahamas. His father made a meager living as a tomato farmer, while his mother crushed rocks to sell to local builders. Then tomato farming was lost to the islanders and life changed drastically for the family drastically, plunging them into deeper poverty.
Poitier describes both of his parents as individuals with commitment. He writes, “… a large part of my father’s legacy is the lesson he taught his sons. He brought us together and said, ‘The measure of a man is how well he provides for his children.’”
Do not mistake what Poitier’s father is saying here. He believed provision for his children extended beyond the material. The family was impoverished due to an economic system that kept the black community in conditions nearly impossible to break.
Despite their surroundings, however, his parents stayed true to the values of family by working together, having fun together and doing their best to provide food and shelter. They were committed to the family at all levels.
In addition to meeting their physical needs, Poitier’s father believed men were also responsible for demonstrating family values in how they treat their mothers, share responsibilities and teach their children kindness and truth.
Poitier suggests that today’s parents are not as strong as those from the generation who raised him. Despite working long hours to earn little, stoking a fire to bake bread and heat water to wash clothes brought them satisfaction. It was in their commitment to the family that they found comfort.
Bringing us forward in time, it is easy to say our days and responsibilities take time away from what is available for nurturing.
Although a reliable paycheck provides for a family’s monetary needs, I submit that nothing will ever take the place of the presence and commitment as a father.
How many memories are lost to time not taken to spend time with the family — shooting hoops, playing a game together, or taking a bike ride? Thinking it doesn’t matter is a mistake. A real vacation spending time together means a lot. Elaborate plans are not necessary.
This past week, my daughter recalled an event with her dad. It is remarkable she continues to have this memory since it was a preschool moment, and he died when she was seven. Yet the memory was as recent as her experience.
Around my son’s dining room table a couple of weeks ago, the conversation focused on him as his sons described a humorous event. I reflected on how these memories were etched into my son’s legacy to his boys.
It goes without saying that shared experiences coupled with the positive modeling of values, faith and love is an integral calibration in the measure of how a father provides for his family. Children do not remember how much money their father made or material things they have as much as they will remember what kind of a father they had.
Words alone are not as effective as the example of how a father conducts himself. It is not easy. Mistakes will be made and failures will be evident. Children can be forgiving when a mistake is accompanied by a sincere apology. A child also needs to hear the positive words of forgiveness, encouragement, praise and unconditional love.
This is the measure of a father. Give them the chance to become the person they can be by accepting them, both in their successes and failures. Provide children with the security of a father who loves them enough to provide them a safe place in their home — and in their father’s heart.
Maralene Strom can be reached at Maralene@adventuresinlivingsite.com.. |
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